The Warrior Chronicles: A New Era
by ShulerMan
Summary: The wrestling world has never been any more chaotic


Warrior Chronicles: The New Era  
  
  
All Characters, names, etc. belong to their respective owners. None of them belong to me and are used   
strictly for this story.  
  
  
Episode 1  
After his disappointing performance at the last main event, the Warrior returned to the shadows of nowhere   
to dwell in retirement. The entire wrestling world was up in the air. . .  
That's is, until HE came. . .  
  
Michael Buffer: For the thousands in attendance, and the millions reading across the world; ladies and   
gentlemen. . . . . . . . . . LET'S GET READY TO BUST A NUT!!!!  
Introducing first, from somewhere other than here, weighing in at 330 pounds. . Some Cheesy Wrestler!!!!!   
And now, introducing, one of wrestling's most silent superstars, he has NEVER won ANY professional   
title, NEVER beaten ANY top superstar, and NEVER won a match on live television. . .the one, the only,   
the unbelievable. . . . . . . . . . . . Míl Máscares!!!  
  
(the fight ensues, and finally there is a winner)  
  
Michael Buffer: The Winner of the match. . . . . . . . Some Cheesy Wrestler!!!!!  
  
Mìl Màscares: Damn! I can't believe I lost again! Oh, well. I still have my fans.  
  
Fans: F@!k you Míl Máscares!  
  
Mìl Màscares: Ah, just what I needed to hear, they love me.  
  
Meanwhile  
  
Hulk Hogan: That damn Míl Máscares lost again! You know somethin brotha, there was a time when I   
could dominate the wrestling world. Now, I can't even set foot in an arena without the whole crowd   
laughing at me, and it's all because of that damn Ultimate Warrior!! He made the fans turn against all   
washed up, over-the-hill wrestlers!  
  
Macho Man: Ooh Yeah! The Macho Man says you hit the nail right on the head! The Ultimate Warlord   
screwed up wrestling!  
  
Hogan: That's Ultimate Warrior.  
  
Macho: Sorry. (Damn Alsheimer's)  
  
Rowdy Roddy Piper: Will you two shut the hell up! I was on top of the world! Everyone loved "The   
Rowdy One"! I was tuff! I'm still tuff! Ain't nobody tuffer than Rowdy Roddy Piper!  
  
Hogan: You know, brotha, the Hulkster just got one hell of an idea. I think I know how we can regain   
control of the Wrestling world. . .but we'll need the help of the one man who put us in this present   
situation. . . . . . . . . . . The Ultimate Warrior!!!  
  
Macho: Oooooohhhhhh NO!!!! You gotta be crazy, Hogan!!  
  
Hogan: Maybe Macho, maybe. . .  
  
  
  
Episode 2  
Hogan has devised a plan to unite some of the OLDEST wrestlers still able to lace up their boots in an   
attempt at a hostile takeover. He wants to bring together entities like the Warrior, Ricky Steamboat, Jim   
Duggan, Rick Flair, George "The Animal" Steel, King Kong Bundy, Arn Anderson, Bret Hart, Great Muta,   
Kamala, Tug Boat, Boss Man, and others. All have agreed. . .except The Ultimate Warrior.  
  
Big Boss Man: Hogan, I didn't think you had enough left to organize somethin like this.  
  
Hogan: Well you know somethin Boss Man, There comes a time when a man has to suck it up and go.   
Well, this AIN'T that time! The Hulkster and his "Golden" Hulkamaniacs are ready to take back what we   
helped build!  
  
Ric Flair: That's right! Whoooooooooooooooo! I'm the Nature Boy! You think back to Terry Funk,   
Dusty Rhodes, Paul Orndorf, Arn Anderson, they help build this from the ground up! We run this friggin   
house, where the old boys lay! I am the Nature Boy, and I'm here for one reason. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . My   
retirement ran out!  
  
Door flies open and a familiar figure appears in the shadows  
  
TALK TO ME. . .and get the inside scoop on Mean Gene's hotline!  
  
Hogan: Thanks for coming Gene. Maybe you can help us find the Warrior.  
  
Mean Gene Okerlund: Well, locker room sources tell me that the Warrior has moved to England and now   
wrestles in gay bars, but that story has yet to check out.  
  
Hogan: How about that Damn Míl Máscares?  
  
Mean Gene: Well, it's not good. He has formed a group of some of the WORST wrestlers in the business.   
He's trying to do whatever he can to win a match.  
  
Hogan: That man must be stopped!  
  
music plays in the background  
  
Welllllllllllllllll, it's the BIG SHOW!  
  
The Big Show: I heard you guys need some help.  
  
Hogan: Not from you, Brotha. Sorry, but we aren't accepting wrestlers under the age of 45.  
  
Big Show: You'll be sorry. . . . . . .  
  
  
  
Episode 3  
Now that Míl Máscares has formed his own faction, the VWO (Villáno World Order), Hogan has   
intensified his search for the Ultimate Warrior.  
  
Hogan: Where in the hell could he be!?!  
  
Mean Gene: Well, Hulk, you don't find the Warrior, he finds you. Inside sources tell me that the Warrior   
is in Japan wrestling in a Porn Bar, but that story has not yet checked out.  
  
Window crashes open, and familiar figure appears in the sunlight  
  
TALK TO ME. . .so I can see if my new hearing aid is working.  
  
Hogan: Well if it isn't Terry Funk. I haven't seen you since the late 70's!  
  
Terry Funk: Well, when I heard about what was goin on, I couldn't wait to get out of that damn Senior   
Citizens' center!  
  
Hogan: Well, we're glad to have you!  
  
meanwhile  
  
Mìl Màscares: Odalé. . . . . . . . .Arríba el Villáno! People, I am here to tell you that the VWO is   
forever!!!!! All of my VWO-ites out there know that there is no one out there can stop Míl Máscares and   
Villánoes 1-93! We hear that Hulk Hogan is trying to run us out of wrestling, but Hogan must realize that   
the VWO is UNSTOPPABLE!!!  
  
Bobby Henan: Well, Míl Máscares, you STILL haven't won a match, does that bother you?  
  
Mìl Màscares: Hell no! My only question is. . . . . WHO'S NEXT!!?!!  
  
I AM!  
TALK TO ME. . . . . . . . . . . . . . WARRIORS!!!!!!! YOU THINK THAT YOU ARE WORTHY TO   
RULE WRESTLING!?! YOU THINK THAT YOU ARE WORTHY ENOUGH TO CREATE   
YOUR OWN FACTION!?! WELL I'M HERE TO TELL YOU THAT YOU ARE NOTHING   
COMPARED TO THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR!! I AM HERE TO OFFER YOU THE MATCH   
OF A LIFETIME! I CHALLENGE YOU TO A MATCH; ONE-ON-ONE, NO   
DISQUALIFICATION. IF YOU ARE MAN ENOUGH TO ACCEPT, IT CAN TAKE PLACE   
ANYWHERE YOU WANT IT TO. AND ONE MORE THING, HOGAN, I HEAR THAT YOU   
ARE LOOKING TO RECRUIT ME. . . . . . . . . YOU KNOW WHERE TO FIND ME!  
  
  
Episode 4  
The Warrior has issued a challenge to Míl Máscares for a no disqualification match. He has also told   
Hogan that if he wants to recruit the Warrior, he must go to him. . . .  
  
Mean Gene: Well folks, it's been an exciting week in professional wrestling; and I have all details on the   
hotline! Sources tell me that all this time, the Warrior was wrestling at Michael Jackson's Neverland   
Valley Ranch with naked children, but that story has not yet checked out.  
  
Hogan: Damn that Warrior, he's always trying to make a scene! Doesn't he realize that by making this   
match, he's jeopardized my entire plan!?!  
  
Roddy Piper: Hogan, your plan was jeopardized the moment you thought of it!  
  
Hogan: I'll teach you to disrespect the Hulkster!  
  
Jim Ross: Oh my! Hogan is putting the boots to Piper! Stop this! Stop this!  
  
Bret Hart: I thought we got rid of your fat ass the last time!! Shut the f@!k up!  
  
Bobby Henan: Jim Ross is in the Sharp Shooter!!! What the hell!?!?!  
  
The Road Dogg: Oh you didn't know. . . . . . . . . . ? Well yo ass better caaaalllllllll   
somebodyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!  
  
Guy impersonating Michael Buffer: For the millions in attendance. . . and the thousands reading across   
the globe; ladies and gentle genitals. . . . . . .   
  
Big Van Vader: It's time. . .It's time. . .It's Vader Time!!!  
  
Ted Dibiase: Money, money, money, money, moneeeeyyyyeeeyyyy!  
  
Jake Roberts: Trust me, trust me.  
  
Buff Bagwell: Hey, get ready. . . . . . . .   
  
Bobby Henan: We have pure pandemonium! Wrestlers from EVERYWHERE are appearing! What the   
hell is. . . . . . . . . . STING! STING IS HERE!!!!!! He's. . .he's. . . oh my GOD. . .he's stuck in his harness!   
He's choking himself to death!! What the hell is goin on!  
  
Jim Ross: Boy I'll tell ya, business is sure pickin up now!  
  
Bret Hart: I thought I told you to stay the f@!k down!!  
  
Jim Ross: Bret Hart, eat sh!t!!!  
  
Bobby Henan: Jim Ross just choke-slammed Bret Hart.  
  
Bret Hart: I was screwed! I was screwed! Hey Bischoff. . .I QUIT!!!  
  
ground rumbles, and darkness falls  
  
TALK TO ME WARRIORS!!!!!!!!!  
  
Bobby Henan: It's the Warrior! It's the Warrior!  
  
Fan: No sh!t, Sherlock!  
  
HOGAN, YOU SAY YOU'RE LOOKING FOR THE ONLY ONE WHO YOU HAVE NEVER   
BEATEN!?! WELL I'M NOT HARD TO FIND! YOU WANT ME TO BE APART OF YOUR   
"GOLDEN" HULKAMANIACS? WELL, THE WARRIOR SAYS HE'S IN!!!!!!!  
  
Hogan: Well, let's clean house, brotha!  
  
Bobby Henan: Hogan and the Warrior are cleanin house!  
  
Hogan and the Warrior soon have cleared the room, and things are back to normal; meanwhile. . .  
  
Mìl Màscares: Villáno 44, have you found out any information about the fight last night?   
  
Villáno 44: Yes, Hogan and the "Golden" Hulkamaniacs took out almost every wrestler under contract!   
And now the Warrior's with him!  
  
Mìl Màscares: Well now; Mr. Warrior's got himself some friends, huh? Villáno 36, give a call to some of   
your luchador friends. Tell them that I have a proposition for them.  
  
Villáno 36: Sí.  
  
Hogan and the Warrior are busy training for the big fight. . .  
  
Hogan, are you sure that this will work?  
  
Hogan: Of course. I've used this technique for every one of my title fights. Now be still and keep suckin,   
brotha!  
  
Boss Man: Hogan, sorry to disturb you, but Mean Gene wants to have a word with you.  
  
Hogan: Send him in.  
  
Mean Gene: Hogan, you won't believe what I picked up over the weekend! I have so much news   
regarding the big main event that I can't talk about it all right now. You'll have to call the hotline to hear it   
all!  
  
Hogan: What the hell!?!  
  
Mean Gene: I found sources that say all this time, the Warrior was wrestling apes in Ethiopia! But that   
story has not yet checked out.  
  
Hogan, can I take a break? This thing is hurting my tonsils!  
  
Hogan: Five . . . more. . .Oh SH!T. . . . . . Go ahead and take a break!  
  
  
Episode 5  
  
This is the stupidest thing I have ever read in my whole entire life. Please   
spare me the time and just quit writing this. I only read up to the episode 2   
and it sucked really badly. I just felt like telling you this!!!!!!  
I guess it might be that I just don't like wrestling but I just thought I would   
tell you what I thought! THANX FOR YOUR TIME!   
I understand that you took a lot of time doing this and if you enjoy doing   
this then you keep on!!!! #1  
  
Well Fuck YOU!  
I DID TAKE A LOT OF TIME WRITIN THIS SHIT! JUST CUZ YOU DON'T LIKE WRESTLING   
DOESN'T MEAN YOU HAVE TO DISRESPECT MY WRITING!!!! BESIDES, I'M MAKING FUN OF   
WRESTLING, NOT PRAISING IT!! MAYBE YOU SHOULD WRITE YOUR OWN IF YOU DON'T   
LIKE THIS ONE, OTHERWISE, SHUT THE FUCK UP!  
  
I didn't think that would have Offended you as much as it did. I APOLOGIZE   
FOR THAT! I do watch wrestling sometimes on Sundays with my grandpa.   
So please don't take it so personally next time.  
  
DON'T WORRY, I DIDN'T. I ONLY SAID THAT TO MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE SHIT. THE TRUTH   
IS, I JUST WRITE FOR THE SAKE OF WRITING. I DON'T GIVE A DAMN HOW IT COMES OUT,   
I JUST WRITE.  
  
O.K. THAT MAKES ME FEEL A LOT BETTER.   
SOMETIMES I DO THAT TO JUST WRITE FOR THE FUN OF IT  
WELL IT'S BEEN FUN WRITING TO YOU. BYE. #1  
  
NO IT HASN'T, YOU SUCK AT WRITING!  
  
WELL FUCK THE HELL OUT OF YOU!!!!  
  
UM, I DON'T THINK I'M READY FOR THAT KIND OF COMMITMENT. . .  
  
SHUT THE HELL UP!!!  
YOU ARE SO RUDE.  
  
RUDE, WHO YOU CALLIN RUDE, YOU SORRY SON OF A BITCH!  
  
YOU ARE SUCH AN ASS HOLE. I TRIED TO BE NICE BUT YOU ARE ONE OF THE   
BIGGEST SON OF A BITCH I HAVE EVER RAN ACROSS I WILL NEVER   
APOLOGISE TO YOU EVER AGAIN YOU BASTARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
  
WHAT THE HELL? I NEVER ASKED FOR AN APOLOGY! IF YOU CAN'T STAND IT, DON'T   
DISH IT OUT!! HAVE A NICE FUCKIN DAY!!!!  
  
FUCK YOU SON OF A BITCH I AIN'T EVER TALKING TO YOU AGAIN!!!!!!  
  
THEN DON'T. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .   
  
Mean Gene: I think we're back. What the hell was that!?! I think we had a little outside interference here.   
I can't really describe it folks, but I can tell you this, ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN in wrestling! Folks, I   
have the inside scoop on all the major events taking place right now. Also, I have a reliable source that   
tells me that all this time, the Warrior was working as a private masseuse for Yokosuna, but that has yet to   
be confirmed. . .  
  
with the main event growing even closer, CHAOS is reeking havoc  
  
TALK TO ME BUTTCHEEKS!  
TALK TO ME NUT BALLZ!!  
TALK TO ME. . .GOD!  
  
lightening bolt strikes ground next to the Warrior  
  
NEVERMIND. . .  
  
meanwhile  
  
Mìl Màscares: Villáno 36, did you contact the luchadors?  
  
Villáno 36: Sí. They should be coming soon.  
  
Mìl Màscares: Good, very good. Villáno 65, get me some tequila, I need to relax.  
  
in Hogan's gym  
  
Hogan: Look Warrior, if you wanna win this fight, you're gonna have to toughen up!  
  
Roddy Piper: You wanna talk about tuff? I'm tuff! FrI'm the one that got the two of you into the WCW!!   
I'm the one who injured Sting! I'm the one who. . .  
  
  
  
Episode 6  
The Pay-Per-View  
  
Well, I guess you're expecting this story to come to it's climax right about now. Well, do   
to circumstances beyond my control, I am unable to finish the story. You see, as I was   
about to start this episode, it dawned on me; this story makes absolutely NO SENSE!!!   
How can a writer have the motivation to finish his story when he know that it's   
absolutely stupid!!! I really don't want to finish this damn thing, so I won't! That's all   
there is to it. I'll just tell you how it was gonna end.  
  
Well, Hogan was gonna turn on the Warrior halfway through the match, but then Doug   
Flutie was going to make a cameo appearance and assist the Warrior. Then just when   
you think the Warrior has the match won, the Macho Man and Rowdy Roddy Piper come   
and f@!k it all up. This is where things downhill. Wrestlers from all over the place start   
running into the ring and creating a scene! Finally, the crowd clears, and the Warrior''   
lying in the middle of the ring while Míl Máscares is on the top rope. He goes for his   
patented 450 splash, when suddenly Sting decends from the rafters and lands right on   
top of Míl Máscares. In the mist of all this, the Warrior is getting back to his feet, and   
soon, he grabs Sting and sends him flying back up into the rafters. This gives Míl   
Máscares the chance to attack the Warrior, but the Warrior is expecting it and DDT'' him.   
As Míl Máscares gets up, the Warrior sends him flying into the ropes, and gets ready for   
his patented flying clothesline. However, the Warrior (who was suffering from heart   
problems) suffers a mild heart attack at that moment and collapses in the center of the   
ring. A dazed Míl Máscares stumbles and falls on top of the Warrior and wins the match.  
  
So there you have it. That's the way it would have ended. Now I know that you were   
looking forward to the big ending, but that's just too f@!king bad!   
  
The End  



End file.
